I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Randomize
