break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
