i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
