A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
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