we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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