homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
