You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
