We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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