I look better un-naked...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
