people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
