so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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