Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
