how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
