The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
