Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
