he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
