I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he thought i was a dude.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
