What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
