six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize