Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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