Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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