You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
