Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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