I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
nutella sex= disaster
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
