Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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