The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
