They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
