You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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