so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
