end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
