So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
