You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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