who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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