I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
