Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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