I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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