Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I will die if light touches me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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