YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
