is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
