Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
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