Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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