I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
