She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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