he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
