Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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