I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
