Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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