When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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