I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
