My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
worst night to have a conscience
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
