Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
