Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
