yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
