I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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