im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
