i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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