I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
