I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
