Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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