Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
