Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
