At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
