I wish my penis had an off switch
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize