So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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