the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
