Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
