He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
