So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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