Taylor Swift is so right about you.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
