For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
