so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
