i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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