I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
