We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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