You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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