You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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