You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
