I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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