We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
foreskin is a definite game changer
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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