Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
