Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
