I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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