I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize
