on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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