all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
