Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
