Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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